Catharsis

I’m convinced that I won’t ever be happy or become enough for everyone. But I also learned that happiness is not a destination. If there is more to life than the pursuit of happiness, then it’s the search for meaning.

On the other hand, I am also convinced that my existence is not meaningless. Yes I know that all lives in the universe don’t have to have a meaning at all. But self worth is not something we beg from the others. It is not the acceptance from other people. It is the concept and appreciation that we have and give to ourselves for everything we achieve.

We do what we do because we feel good doing it. For some people it could be their day to day jobs or hobbies or taking care of their families or pets. For me it’s making music.

Making music on my laptop is somewhat an egocentric activity. But so is reading books, watching movies or drinking our coffee. We call it catharsis, which means something we do to relief ourselves from repressed emotions. But when I share this music to the others, just like letting other people eat the food that we cooked, it’s no longer an egocentric activity. We want to feel connected to the outer world.

I am quite hard on myself everytime I make music. I want to give to the world something that is uniquely me, even though it’s only in a little minor detail. I want to add something new to the long history of music with all its masterpieces from the past, not only repeating what the others do or already did.

But I know so well that when my music is out there, I no longer have any options but to let a piece of myself layed bare for others to enjoy AND to judge. And with my own self, I am trying as good as it is possible to accept the fact that I won’t be able to impress everyone.

I want to make better music and I want to become a better person. And it is very easy to lose grip when we always compare ourselves to the others. I know how depression feels like and it’s mostly because of this.

The feeling that we won’t ever be enough for someone else is something that we have to accept. But losing sight of our own self worth is the fastest way into a powerless state of mind, and that’s how depression slips in.

There is no easy way into self acceptance. So happiness is never a destination, instead it’s in the way we prove to ourselves, not to the others, that we can reach higher and better in whatever we feel we can do our best at.

[sunset/sunrise]

Pain makes us human, that’s why many of us get so addicted to it, including myself. Sometimes we’re so addicted to it that we want to believe we don’t deserve happiness.

We fall in and out of love, our path may cross with people, sometimes they stay but more often their paths lead to different directions.

There are times when we convince ourselves that things were not the way we wanted because of our fault. There are also times when we couldn’t help but put the blame on others.

But no matter what, the earth still revolves around the sun, and the sun revolves around the black hole at the center of the milky way. Stars and planets collide and explode all the time, but still new galaxies are being born everyday somewhere in the universe.

In our irrelevancies, we want to feel that our lives matter to those we love. In fact it matters. Our hopes and dreams are what keeping us alive. And when we’re gone, hopefully we’d die happy, knowing that we did our best so far.

Good night and may we all live a good life, a meaningful one 🙂

Paradise

Wealth can be a burden if we’re too attached to it, unless of course if we choose to see it as a means to make people happy. And that includes ourselves as well 😊

I’m not a very religious person at all, but I am aware that the fear of losing is the root of all misery. Yes, indeed we are living in the world of physical matters, therefore we are bound to all physical and chemical laws with all their consequences. 

So in order not only to survive, hopefully we can live our lives fully by optimizing all our knowledge about how things and society work and use it to raise above the challenges we face in life. At the end of the day, we are searching for happiness. And we can be happier when we can make those dear to us happy without having to pretend to be someone we are not. 

One smile at a time, one kindness at a time, one step closer to build our own paradise on earth. 

🙂

On Moving On

There might be someone worth not moving on from anyway. As much as you hate it, there’s even more peace to it to battle this world with. 
Not everyone is lucky enough to find it, and not everyone feels lucky enough to keep it. Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. If we can see it through, then we’d better make it come true!

A wise man once said that we are forever bound to what we tamed. I would say that we are bound to what makes us tamed. And then, everything else would hold no meaning at all because we know what/who makes us happy just by becoming who we are. 

That is how to feel with the heart, those invisible things unseen to the eyes 🙂

I hope we find our own pieces of happiness every single day

On Love and Happiness

Not being able to do something for someone we care about does not limit our ability to love. Just to be happy when seeing somebody else happy, or otherwise to symphatize when someone is sad, is already making ourselves more human. That’s why to me, to be human is to love, and to live is to care.

When we can not be with someone, we don’t necessarily cease to love. Quite often our acknowledgement that we can better love someone by not continuing to stand side by side – maybe because of personality issues, or huge difference of preferences in life, etc – can in time enable us to expand the love within our souls. It only become possible once we accept our very own existence, free from all guilt, despair and disappointment. And in what other ways can we really enjoy our coexistence with our fellow Earthlings than to share the positivity? 

Nothing in this world is eternal, not even eternity. But love – as a verb, not only as a feeling – can make a huge difference in each of our journey to the end of our lives, collectively and individually. 

Jan 6, 2015